This is my final column for The Independent View.
Even in moments of happiness, this year has been shaped by what happened to me in the fall semester. Sometimes it’s a twinge of sadness. Other times it’s a wave of anger and grief that freezes me.
After the old staff of The Vista were pushed out, I was humiliated by staff and faculty I should have been able to trust. I was gaslit to the point that I couldn’t tell up from down, but the thought of The Indy kept me going. I was the last member of the initial staff invited onto this project, and since I was hired as a reporter, I’ve devoted much of my time to writing stories and making sure people know who we are and how we began.
I’ve loved working for The Indy — the stories, the interviews, and the chance to expand the type of journalism I do. I’ve also loved exploring the connection between Oklahoma politics and higher education, and sitting down with students to hear their stories. I’ve loved feeling like I’m doing something important. As much grief as I feel at leaving, I can look back and be proud of what I’ve accomplished with this project, and it absolutely breaks my heart that I can no longer say the same about UCentral and The Vista.
An authority figure within the MCOM department said to me not long after The Indy’s first issue dropped that what had happened with The Vista couldn’t be reversed and that the new staff was fully settled in at that point. The implication was that this person didn’t understand — or was trying to convince me — that it was pointless to keep talking about what happened.
Why keep talking about it? Because if I don’t, and if other people don’t, it will be forgotten — and it will happen again.
UCO has done nothing to deserve my silence on this matter. I am the one who has to carry the scars. I didn’t deserve what happened to me — not because of any award I’ve won or the work I’ve put in, but because no college student deserves to dread walking into their newsroom every day not knowing what they’ll be facing.
I am very fortunate that things ended up the way they did. I took a gamble and it paid off, but I am aware of how disastrous things could have turned out without support.
First, I have to thank my family, especially my mother, Lorie.
To my fellow Indy reporters — Jessey, Kyler, Troy and Michael — thank you for making me laugh and never making me feel like an outsider.
It’s also been a privilege to work with Editor-in-Chief Andrew Frazier, Visual Editor Charlie Shackleford and Managing Editor Ella Spurlock. Thank you for making my stories better and pushing me to be more thoughtful in my reporting. Ella, in particular, showed a strength of will and character after everything that happened that is remarkable at any age, let alone at twenty.
Former Vista advisor George Lang encouraged me in my career when I needed it most.
To all my friends from UCO and Northern Oklahoma College, Tonkawa — there are too many of you to name, but your support means everything.
To my friend Isabel Contreras, whose intelligence and kindness I can only aspire to.
And Jake Ramsey — there aren’t words for everything he’s done for me. I was very lucky to meet him when I did and to work with him at UCentral and The Vista.
If there’s one thing to take from this, it’s this: don’t close your eyes and pretend something isn’t happening. A quote I often turn to is: “If it can be destroyed by the truth, it deserves to be destroyed by the truth,” and I try to live my life by that standard. I want to make a life for myself where I can speak the truth, without fear of retaliation from those who are supposed to care about me. I’ve found that at The Indy, and I’m going to go out and find more of it.
